Confessions
by crookedsmile
Summary: It's CE 75... a one shot about Kira's darkest secret...
1. Chapter 1

It's six-thirty in the morning and I'm on my way to work… yeah… I'm a real grown-up now.

Unlike my sister who's already famous and rich, I on the other hand was dead broke. It's not like I'm a superhero as everybody thinks, if they only knew… I'm a certified slob after the war.

- Hey, don't get me wrong. I don't want to be on _that_ mobile suit again. Honestly, that whole "ultimate coordinator" stuff sucks!

Now that everything's in peace, and Lacus… well _my_ ex-girlfriend Lacus Clyne is already one of the Supreme Council Representatives, together with my best friend… or should I say… another ex-best friend Athrun (they eventually ended up together, leaving me and my poor sister all messed-up)… I was the one who picked up the trash.

I'm not bitter about that anymore, neither is Cagalli (I hope). She was too busy "saving the world " to think about that.

I on the other hand, I was so damn bored of being good all the time. I ran off for while, and was somehow stranded. I couldn't get things right. Maybe this was my _Karma_. I've learned that word from " Sarah" – one of my temporary " good- for- one- night" conquests. She's cool… never forgot that word ever since.

It's like I'm all over the place…on someone's bed, or in one of my sister's estates. She practically **punched** me after learning about my outstanding debt- which of course, she " willingly" paid.

But I'm trying to change now. To become that same good person that everyone expects.

I'm currently working as a computer technician in some cheap IT service company.

My earnings? – Don't ask.

No one knew who I was, or my achievements were, and it was somewhat exciting.

I get to see the other side of me… that clumsy, stupid side. My co-workers were not amazed by my skills. Whenever I get to solve some complicated stuff, they just say…

_" Of course he must know that! It's his job!"_

That's cool for me…

I remember one day when Cagalli confronted me about _this _whole thing.

" _What the hell are you trying to pull off Kira?"_

I just stared at her.

"_ This "**I- want-to-be- ordinary**" thing? It's pathetic! You can do more sensible things with your skills. Help me in running this nation…"_

" I don't want to be your first- gentleman…" I joked.

_" That's not what I mean!"_ She fired back.

_" You want to work on some wasted computer shop, while I'm offering you to become the captain of one of Orb's fleet… do you see the difference?"_

I was laughing at her and she asked me what's so funny about that.

I told her, " You're starting to have wrinkles on your forehead. Men don't want that…"

_" I… don't care about wrinkles… or men!"_ She stressed the last word.

" Still bitter?" I asked. I was a little bit harsh, I admit.

She didn't speak for sometime.

_"No,"_ she said flatly.

That was my sister. She's so emotional about everything, and sometimes, her crying episodes were really annoying… although I really missed her, especially when I moved out. The way she calls me for help, and those times when she hugs me... and asks if she could sleep in my room… because she's lonely.

Yeah… my sister…

Honestly at first, I didn't want to believe that she was… because I'm attracted to her.

She's more beautiful than Lacus. Not because of her physical looks, but her confidence and her being fashionably insensitive. I find her sexier, but my illusions were suddenly cut-off by the fact that we're twins (!) I admit, I was practically drawn, as my ex-best friend was to her.

She was called the Goddess of Victory… I know a lot of people felt the same as I did… even Shinn – knowing that he's from Orb. It's impossible for him to shrug-off the fantasy of _making out_ with my popular twin sister.

So I've finally confessed that I was lusting after Cagalli…

But that wasn't the worst thing that happened within my twisted head.

That time when I kidnapped her after the wedding… I didn't do that because I refuse to ally Orb with the Earth Forces…

I didn't want her to marry that loser, because… I simply didn't want to.

And even if it were Athrun she's marrying instead, I'd still kidnap her.

Possessive? - Yes.

So I guess that's all I should be… a faithful and possessive sibling. I sometimes think If I could change things according to my will… but I was being selfish.

(End of reflections)

After working for almost ten hours, Kira was again in his apartment. Lying on his spacious bed… alone.

He was staring at the ceiling… thinking.

(Reflections…again)

I really miss her. I remember that day when she almost found out about this growing infatuation… I messed up in front of her.

She was lying on my bed (back at the mansion), and we were talking about our past relationships… I find it irresistible to kiss her… Her face was very close to mine.

Her golden brown eyes were like the ocean…within which I'd love to drown.

She closed her eyes and placed her hand on my chest. I on the other hand, reached out for her hips as I pull her nearer. I sometimes think she's aware of what's going on… and somehow enjoying it… but again I was being conceited. She opened her eyes… and what I saw in those orbs made me hold back everything…

Tears. She was lonely.

She moved a little bit close, and I could almost feel her flesh… she hugged me.

_"I miss Athrun…"_

Her words were like a bucket of ice water. Painfully irritating. I felt cold. I held her as she weeps. I kissed her forehead.

For some unimaginable reason… I cried too.

It's always been like this... the two of us together. When everything's over, whether good or bad things happen...

I never left her side... she never left mine.I guess this makes our relationship doomed since the beginning. I don't mind about bloodlines... I love her because she's Cagalli. And even if one day she finds another one who can replace Athrun, I _know _I'm indispensible...

I know there's something... that's sacred and reserved only for me.

(End of reflections)

Kira was beginning to fall asleep, when his phone rang.

"Hello?"

"_It's me…"_  
Kira's heart skips a beat.

" Why…"

_" I… miss you… I mean… I'm on my way there."_ It was Cagalli.

Kira jumped off the bed. He went to the drawer to search for his trousers.

"I didn't cook anything… it's a mess in here!"

_"I bought some food… and refreshments… I want to get drunk_," Cagalli answered.

Kira didn't answer back.

_" Are you still there?"_

"Yeah. I'll be _waiting_…"

_" Good. I'll be there in ten minutes."_

"Fine…I…love… you…_sis_." Kira finally said.

_" Yeah… **whatever**… love you too…"_

It's a hormonal surge… I've always been a fan of KiraCaga even before ASUCAGA… so I guess those who can relate…somewhat enjoyed this as I did.


	2. X and Y

I was driving along 16th avenue… It was my "free day".

I told everyone that I'd have a day-off. No conferences, no meetings, no shaking with other politicians' hands…no media.

I'm alone. But I wont be for long…because I'm going to see _him_…

He seems to be surprised upon receiving my call. I knew it. I knew everything about him, I guess. Even the slightest movement of his lips… suggests something, only I could comprehend. He as my biological brother…but that wasn't the only thing that binds us. I knew it. I always did.

And now, out of the blue, I started packing my bags- driving towards his place.

(Flashback)

We were talking about our broken relationships. I was lying on his bed. I always do this- sleep _with_ him when I miss someone to talk to… or when I want some male figure beside me…yeah- pretty twisted.

I was surprised when he held me close. I closed my eyes- anticipating a kiss. But he didn't do anything. Then the stupid words came out- _I miss Athrun._

He cried with me… I wasn't sure for the reason of these tears.

(end of flashback)

And now, it seems like it's the two of us again.

I wanted to see him. It's been three months. I bought some tequila – I know he loves this. We will drink, and cry until we're both sore.

The two of us, victims of the past conflict that befallen the world. We managed to save it…

And when everything's over, it's our lives that need to have stitches in between.

We're barely functioning- shredded into pieces.

The streetlights were blinding me. They are distant, such as the love that I once had. But now, it has become clear that the distance between two hearts that never understand is farther than the distance of two people separated by worlds.

How I feel for Kira… will remained that way- as far and as intangible as the stars.

I'm quite nervous- I don't know how to face him. But as soon as I dialed his number, I know I began to let go of my pride, or my sanity. Whatever happens tonight, may ruin our platonic relationship, but I will gamble everything that I have…

(End of reflections)

Cagalli was waiting for the door to open. She was holding to plastic bags, one with some Japanese food, and the other with tequila.

The door opened. The lights inside started to illuminate her eyes. He was in front of her, wearing a warm smile.

She took a deep breath, and stepped inside.

( I did this out of some desperation to get some sleep. sorry if its short and somewhat "hanged")


	3. Just Drift

_She's here_- he thought as he hears his doorbell ring.

He went to the door…with footsteps, as light as a falling feather. He did not want to rush forward and see her…but his heart was already jamming with anxiety.

The door opened. He wore a warm " brotherly" smile.

_He eyes were a little bit different tonigh­t_ – he said to himself.

They remained that way for a spilt second, then- she's inside.

She headed for the dining area (his apartment was not that spacious so the " dining area" is almost adjacent to the receiving area…which is about five steps from the kitchen and six steps from his bathroom)

Placed the food on the small table- good for two.

" What brings you here?" he asked.

" It isn't unusual to visit a _relative_ right?" she answered without looking. She was setting up the table.

" I'm starving. Let's eat before it gets cold."

He went to the table and joined her.

They ate…just looking at each other- not saying anything.

The _katsudon_ was great. She was a little bit full after.

Then he stood to get some water. She left her seat and followed him.

"You didn't have any soda here?" she asked as she inspects the fridge.

" Pay day is far ahead. I have to save money, or else… I'm going to starve."

That made her snort at him and said.

" If you hadn't moved out, you wouldn't have any trouble with money. So pathetic…"

" Yeah," he simply said.

_What? No arguments? No bashing?_ - She thought. She never expected such a passive response from him. Not now.

_What is the matter with you?_

He looked at the tequila.

" For me?"

"I'm in the mood for some drinking…" She was carefully inspecting his reaction to that.

He prepared the glasses, some salt, and some old-aged citrus on his cupboard.

"Let's start."

The glasses were raised, and soon- they were empty.

Her face was flushing. She told him a lot of stories- and gossips. He was far from getting drunk. She already is.

" Mir… and Dearka…they're planning to settle…"

"Really, that isn't surprising," Kira commented.

"…Hey I'm not finished yet…But Dearka's having an affair…with whom?"

He words were beginning to sound cryptical.

"With?"

She suddenly went silent as if she's forgotten the name of the mysterious third party.

"Aha! – Meyrin…yeah… that girl."

"Meyrin? Are you sure about that?" Kira was a little surprised.

"I thought she was _hopelessly_ devoted to Athrun?"

_Wrong **word­**_**- **he thought.

"No… she was sober now…"

Then, she told him about Murrue and Mu's first son.

" Murrue gave birth last Friday…forgot to tell you…"

" It's a boy. They like to name it Kira…"

"What?" Kira was even more surprised.

"I don't like it," Cagalli countered. "I say- no bcoz he will be like that stupid bother o' mine."

"So you really think I'm stupid," he said. He was busy studying her rosy cheeks and how it glowed with her intoxication from alcohol.

"Of course y're stupid…"

"Yeah, think I am," he said meaningfully.

She stood.

" Where's the bathroom?"

"The door right behind you." Kira pointed towards the small door, just a few steps from her.

As she turns around, she immediately lost her balance. She almost fell, just in time for her to grab the chair for some leverage.

She went inside. A few minutes and she's out.

Sat on the chair, laid her head back. Closed her eyes.

Kira on the other hand was still there- where she had left him a few moments ago. Looking at her intently.

The bottle was empty. She was again babbling about the latest gossips in Orb- about Shinn's break-up with Lunamaria, on the latest developments between PLANTS and the ALLIANCE… and the very last topic that her uncontrollable mouth revealed-

"Athrun and Lacus- getting married… today."

"We aren't invited." He said.

"Wanna see them?" she said. Her mood started to change.

"_That_ doesn't bother me at all. How about you?" Kira returned the question. He was a little bit afraid to hear the answer. But that time he couldn't read her expression.

She just shrugged her shoulders.

"Me either…"

"Then, why do you want to get drunk?" he asked. He was beginning to feel the jealousy… like "pins and needles" on his insides.

Her eyes were suddenly focused on his.

"You… are… really…STUPID," she said.

"Fine."

He stood and headed for the sink to get some tap water.

She stood and headed for his room.

He looked back and realized where she's heading.

"Hey…" that was all that he can say.

"I'm tired…" she answered.

He followed her as she enters his room.

He was a little bit intoxicated, but anything that the alcohol might have affected him soon volatilized when she took off her shirt in front of him.

He immediately turned away.

She was only wearing her sports bra. Then she climbed towards the bed.

Hugged his pillow…wrapped herself with his blanket.

He was still on the state of shock. She had never done this before.

" Come here Kira…" she whispered.

Everything seemed unclear. So many thoughts running around his head, and he doesn't even know if he'd slap her, or do whatever she wants him to do…because the truth is- he'd been longing for this to happen.

Id won. 

He climbed beside her. They were again staring at each other's eyes.

"Tell me…do you…find me…pretty?" she blurted such a nonsense question.

"I find you very interesting, ever since we first met."

"Do… I… have…such calloused behavior?"

"Y…yeah…"

"Not like Lacus…"she hid her face beneath the pillow as she sneered at upon hearing his answer.

Kira noticed her change of expression.

_You're actually jealous of Lacus Clyne?_

He reached out and moved the pillow away so he could se her face.

But as he was about to tough the fabric, she moved herself so he began to touch her face instead.

Her eyes were glowing like the sun. She was full of unbridled passion. He saw them in those orbs as she stares at him.

He moved nearer until he was about an inch or two…

Kissed her forehead… then her nose… and then… her lips.

He can still taste the tequila…the katsudon…

…her fears…her happiness…her love.

She was so warm… he thought as he closes his eyes.

"Goodnight…" he said after the long kiss.

Her deep breath was the answer.

They laid there, in the infinite darkness, just like when the first two people were created.

Contented in the endless solitude.

So I've finally done this.Kinda strange but I feel sad after doing it...and I'm already sleepy... thank goodness.


	4. Make You mine

It was five-thirty in the morning. The dawn is breaking as the sunlight begins to shine on his window. She was still in a deep slumber.

Grabbed the sheets on her- while he was shivering.

Kira opened his eyes. He saw her… and smiled. He never thought seeing her could give him such feeling.

She was like a child. Her eyelashes were long and dark, while her hair was brazenly blonde. Her lips… and how it tasted…he smiled even more as he remembered the kiss they shared last night. Her breathing was quiet- just like the way he's feeling.

The heat of the sun came down, and it gave a flushing effect on her skin. She opened her eyes.

Smiled sweetly at him.

"G'd m'rning…"she have consciously greeted.

Then, her eyes snapped open.

"Oh…my god!" She immediately rose. She panicked even more upon realizing she's wearing no top- just her bra. She immediately searched around for her shirt.

Kira was watching her.

"She couldn't find it so she turned at him.

"What? Aren't you going to help me?"

Kira went off the bed, went to his drawer, where he hid her shirt, and gave it to her.

She grabbed it from him- turned away, blushing.

"I'll prepare breakfast," Kira said as he heads for the door.

The door was shut.

Cagalli fell back to the bed. Staring at the ceiling she mumbled, " What have _you_ done stupid girl?"

She remained like that for a while. Heard noises in the kitchen.

_He's cooking_- she thought.

After a while he called out to her.

"Cagalli – breakfast time…"

She was hesitant to go outside… and see him. But what can she do? She's in his house anyway.

The doorknob twisted. She went for the table.

A plate of sandwich, sunny-side-up, and bacon. Hot chocolate was steaming from the cup. She closed her eyes as he settles down in front of her.

Her heart was beating so fast- she couldn't understand why.

She took a deep breath. He's already eating…

_He's feeling as though we hadn't done anything-_

"Kira…"

"Yes," he replied as he goes for another bite.

She looked at him- blinked twice.

He stopped eating… and returned the gaze.

Bit her lips…he understood.

"I… need not explain," he finished.

"I know, I'm not asking you to…" she replied.

They finished breakfast without talking.

The plated were empty, but neither of them leaves the table. She broke the silence as she stood.

"I'll be going…thanks for the meal."

"Fine."

_That was your answer? Fine?_

She couldn't believe her ears. She's had enough of his vague attitude towards her. She went there; ready to give up everything if he wanted her to, and that the only thing he'll say is –_fine_.

She was so filled with rage as she went for her bag and car keys. She almost smashed the door in front of him as she went to his room once more. He followed her.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing," she said without looking. Tears were already flowing on her cheeks.

"Nothing's wrong with me…" she got her bag and faced him.

"How about you?" She returned the question to him.

She couldn't read his expression. That's it.

She walked right through him, but he held her back.

"You wont say anything? I'm sick of this _brother_! I… I'm so tired… of waiting for you!" She uttered those painful words, just as the tears fell.

He didn't say a word.

Shocked? Kira was beyond the state of shock.

_She's been waiting for me- all along…_

" You are stupid…Even if I were drunk yesterday, I wouldn't have permitted you to kiss me… but I was just as twisted as you are," she said while crying.

"…In-love with my own brother… how's that huh?" She wiped her eyes with her hand.

Kira was still holding her other hand. He was looking at her, but now, his eyes have changed.

It didn't take a while before he responded to her confession.

He pulled her to him and touched her mouth with his.

Her lips were salty… because of the tears. He wanted to taste them all until he could fell the sweetness of it.

She closed her eyes. Dropped the bag.

After the long kiss, he was still gazing at her.

"What?" she said. She was still sobbing.

He brushed her tears away…

Then, embraced her…

"I feel the same."

I think this will be the last Chapter. Confessions…yeah they finally did. I'll try to write more KiraCaga fics but for now, this one goes out to you who love this pairing just as I do. Thanks for reading!


End file.
